To sleep, or to be glamourous? That is the question.

I love the retro/ vintage look. It's just so "me", if I do say so myself. If I was talented enough to sew my own clothing, I would create the most fantastical wardrobe full of color, pretty little dresses, and then my share of flawy hippie attire. Honestly, I dig all of that way more than what the fashion industry of today has been pumping out. If I had the money for such things, my whole closet would be a blast from the past. I would be okay with wearing a dress every single day if need be. I long to be that girl on the outside, because on the inside that is exactly how I feel- not dusty and old (though I do get that feeling often), but rather hip, youthful, and classy! I wish that fashion today was like it used to be in the 40's and 50's. I love the sophistication and the sense of respect women had for themselves when they would drag their ass out of bed and see to it that they looked nice and presentable. Nowadays, we have people showing their faces in public wearing pajamas and displaying dreadful unbrushed hair. Pajamas? In public? My Nanny would have slaughtered me for such a thing. What happened to the days when women actually spent time to fix their hair? I seriously wish that I had that kind of dedication to wake up so early just to have scrumptious hair. Oh, how I am pining for that look of respect and sophistication! Unfortunately, the college life has me rather lazy and unwilling to look so nice and planned out. So, what do I do? Do I continue to succumb to topknots and my love for sleep? Or do I bite the bullet and put in that extra effort to look gorgeous every day? I wish that I had the will power for the latter, I really do. Dressing up and looking nice is something that I love to do- I always have. But the need for sleep and this modern life that I live in seem to overwhelm me. Perhaps I need a spiritual awakening to tell me to snap out of the ordinary and listen to my heart. My old, vintage heart. I really would rather not look lazy, I want to look like I like myself enough that I care about what I look like.

My heart is torn-

Glorious sleep, or self-appreciating glamour?

How she slithered into my heart.

I absolutely love animals; I love watching them and holding them and learning about them. If I could have a hundred different animals I probably would. For the past year or so I've been on a somewhat painful journey to find the right animal for me. Quite frankly, I think that any animal would make me content; unfortunately, I've not always picked the right animals at the right time. Ever since I was born my family has had dogs and cats, which are both splendid, but I like to broaden my horizons. First, I adopted a beautiful white bunny. And I loved it. Well... until I had no time/ room for it. I don't want to say that he was neglected but, poor thing, I kind of kept him caged up most of the time. Do you know how hard it is to bunny-proof a house, or even just a room? Near impossible if you are not prepared and have very limited space. Besides, I had a Boston terrier and German shepherd running around the house. Plus bunny experienced many pillows flung at his cage in my self- conscious stupor. I loved bunny, but he was kind of stupid. After a lot of long, hard decision making mind sessions, I decided to give bunny away to a nicer home. Since this incident of me being a less then stellar pet owner, "Alexis+Pets" has pretty much been a running joke in the eyes of my family. They place bets on how long the poor creatures will last, which quite frankly I do not appreciate. I got a fish- fish are easy, right? Well, it died. Out of nowhere. Zak and I adopted a dog, and thankfully he is still alive and well (HA to you, everyone). I decided that I absolutely needed to have some baby geckos. They were great and so cute- until they died. What the heck, I gave them food and fresh water every day. These things just happen to me. So, in a post- partum depression, I decided that I needed another critter to fill that empty hole in my heart. I went out, looked, then fell in love-- with a three and a half foot long snake. Finally, the pet of my dreams! I'm thinking that maybe a snake is what I need. Doesn't make noise, doesn't have limbs, eats maybe twice a month, and is cold blooded, just like me (wait, what?). I'm excited for this journey, hopefully it will last more than a few months. She's a beauty, and I am trying to figure out a name for her. Maybe Fluffy. 

My name is Alexis Adkins, and I love my snake.

Some things that have been brought to my attention today;

If you build up enough pressure inside of a vessel, the laws of physics suggests that the pressure will eventually become too much and the vessel is likely to explode, causing damage to the vessel or anything in close proximity. 

If you look at someone and think to yourself, “Hey, they seem pretty normal”, there’s a great chance that they are probably not, but actually just master hiders. You would probably never guess that the smile you are admiring for its genuine gleam is actually an automated reflex of practiced generosity. They say that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, but that doesn’t mean that smiling is always easier.  

If you blame all of your problems on others, you have a perception problem. If  you take the blame for everything that happens on your life, you have a guilt problem. It must be understood there are things that will or have happened that you simply can not control, and you must not blame yourself completely for the cause, effect, and the way these things make you feel. People are simply faced with different situations, and if you take the blame for all of the hurt and sadnesses of yourself or others, you are not going to be a happy being. On the other hand, you must accept responsibility that there are many things that are or have been in your control. You can not always blame everyone and every thing but yourself on the circumstances of your life. It is much easier to blame the world for your strife than to make an effort to fix and forgive, but quite frankly, no one likes a whiner. If you are going to complain about your life and all of the wrongdoings that the world has placed upon you without doing anything to solve the problem, do us all a favor and keep the pity party to a party of one.

If you try to stay positive about your life by telling yourself that there are people out there who have more serious problems and that you should be thankful for what you have, you have a good heart. Though this is a very generous way to think, it can also put yourself in a small boat on a  raging sea of hurt and confusion. Just because your problem might not seemingly be as detrimental as someone else's, that in no way means that it should not be considered important, and that it is not seriously hurting you. When you live in a dysfunctional family and suppress the fact by telling yourself that it could be worse, that doesn't mean that you are not living in a dysfunctional family. It is okay to admit and address problems, because by not doing so you could seriously be hurting yourself in the long term. 

If you are sensitive or very emotionally involved, don't feel bad. You are not alone, and it's probably not your fault. Some people are simply born that way, just like how some people are born athletically inclined or with freckles. It is just who you are, and even though you may have been ridiculed and picked on time and time again for being a "baby", don't be ashamed of it. If seeing someone do a kind act for someone else who needs it makes you choke up a little, that's okay. If you are an adult and still want to cry when your pet geckos that you have had for merely a few months die, don't be ashamed. There are many people out there like us who would be willing to cry with you, for you, or because of you; so never fee like you are alone.

There are many things that I have been through in my life that I wish had never happened. There are many things about myself that I do not like. I am very passive aggressive, and I find that I cry more than I like to admit. I run away from things and my feelings get hurt far too easily. This being said, there are also many things that I do like about myself. I like my eyes and my feet. I like that I am fairly talented. I also like the fact that right now, I can realize and admit the things that I don't like about myself. I find that admirable, in a purely non- cocky kind of way. If anything, I want others to know that feeling hurt, or sadness, or being sensitive; it is all okay. There is always going to be someone out there who cares about you and what you are going through. 

Celebrate yourself for who you are, and if you ever need some glue to fix some broken pieces; remember that there's always some available.