An ode to the Native Americans

I would like to send out an indirect apology to the Native Americans. Seeing as how I have Cherokee running through my veins (you can not tell by looking at me) and the fact that I am an empathetic being, I need to get this out in the open.

I'm an American. Not in the natural, "I was here first" sense like you are, but in the immigrant, material-lovin' sense of my ancestors. So on the behalf of my mongrel Euro-American relatives from long ago, I want to say that I am sorry. They were idiots. You were obviously here first, with a good thing going on. I want to give you kudos for sticking to your guns, er, tomahawks. If you are sitting in a chair and someone sitting in the chair beside of you stands up and tells you to move so they can sit their lazy behind in the very spot where you are sitting, would you move? Hell no, you wouldn't! You are real men and women, and you rightfully stood your ground! Unfortunately the person who bid you move your tush from the seat just so happened to be the fluffy pink princess who took out her blingin' iPhone to call her daddy so that he can "take care of it, pumpkin." The next thing you know you've got the SWAT team tackling you to the ground and throwing you out the window from the 10th story. We were the bullies who did whatever it took to get what we wanted. Now technically you'll never admit that this land was your land, but hey, you lived here nonetheless. We took your homes, your dwelling places, your resources, good Lord, we took your buffalo! Shame on us! (although, what can I say, "Everybody wants a water buffalo, yours is fast but mine is slow...") We had the wrong idea. Why couldn't we at least share? We could have lived in perfect harmony if my ancestors weren't all me me me me me. We could have had powwows, a "you braid my hair, I show you how to cross stitch" kind of thing. If only my ancestors put a little more value on a good hairdo.

Native Americans, you have a special place in my heart. I love horses, spiced violet tea, animal skins and the smell of good tobacco. You've got your spirituality and I sincerely respect that. In my opinion, it makes much more sense than the nonsensical nonsense that some of us Americans believe. You live long lives, soaking up wisdom through your browned skin. So from me, I am sorry for the evil acts of my forefathers. If they had never been bullies, America might be a better place today.

Your white sister,
Alexis