A promenade in the rain.

Today the rain has gotten to me. Yesterday was a happy day in the rain, where everything seemed vibrant and dripping with life. But today is different for some reason. As I am walking in the rain to campus this morning, I am alone with my thoughts and the drops of water falling from the sky. Ironically "Purple Rain" comes on my iPod, so I leave it on repeat. It's such a beautiful song, and it made my mind start turning. I suddenly get a pang in my heart to tell everyone close to me that I love them. The urge to simply apologize overwhelms me. Apologize for many things- for not always being the best daughter, for not doing something small when you asked, for not spending time with you because I suddenly changed my plans. There are people in my life that mean so much to me, and I have at some point hurt them all. I don't know about you, but that's a lot for me to take in. I keep walking and I get this feeling that I don't have anything figured out. I think that I can do things, but really I know nothing and am not ready for the world I will so soon have to join. I've had such confidence in myself and my directions, but now this rain is making me feel like a child. I am hopeful for the future, but I also fear for the future. By personal experience I know that in the end, everything will turn out alright. But the uncertain road between where I am and my happy ending sometimes eats away at me like a termite. Who am I going to be? What am I going to do? Who will I disappoint along the way? I realize that I in no way can dwell on these things. It would literally eat me alive. I would be left with nothing but an empty shell- and hollow places can often become filled with undesirable things. I know that things will be okay, but I really want to know. 

To those close to me- I love you. You'll never know how much you have done for me. I might not be able to say it all of the time due to reasons of stupid pride, but even when I act like I can do everything on my own and that you are the last person that I need, you are actually the ones that I need the most. 

To those that I have ever disappointed- I'm sorry. I'm only human, and I am very naive. Sometimes I am guilty of thinking with my heart and not my head. I'm still learning, even though if it is the hard way at times. 

Sadly enough, those that I care most about are the ones that I have disappointed at some point in my life. It breaks my heart, but all I can do is learn from my mistakes and love like there's no tomorrow. My family and my love, you deserve the best life has to offer. I'll do my best to be the daughter, sister, or girl that you deserve. I might be in over my head sometimes, but I do know this much;

All I want's to see you laughing in the Purple Rain.